May 22, 2006

  • Humor -


    Life:
    On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
    The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.
    On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
    The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.
    On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."
    The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.
    On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."
    Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"
    "Okay," said God, "you've got a deal."
    So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

    Life has now been explained to you.

May 7, 2006

  • Actual Church Bulletin Anouncements

    For those of you interested in being part of the choir, please come to the tryouts this Saturday.  They need all the help they can get.


    Weight Watchers will being meeting at the church office this Saturday.  Please enter through the large double doors in the back.


    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery down the left hallway of the foyer.


    Our sermon this Easter will be, "What is hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.


    The sermon this morning, "Jesus walks on water."  The sermon this evening, "Searching for Jesus."

  • The Five Love Languages

    Your primary love language is probably
    Physical Touch
    with a secondary love language being
    Quality Time.


    Complete set of results























    Physical Touch:   11
    Quality Time:   8
    Words of Affirmation:   8
    Receiving Gifts:   2
    Acts of Service:   1

April 18, 2006

February 5, 2006

  • To All You Steelers Fans Out There:

    In a school just outside of Pittsburgh, a first grade teacher
    explained to her class that she is a Steelers fan. She asked her students to
    raise their hands if they were Steelers fans too. Not really knowing what a
    Steelers fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all
    went up in the air. However, there was one exception. A little boy named Timmy
    had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked him why he had decided to
    be different...
     
    "Because I'm not a Steelers fan" says Timmy.


    The teacher then asked, "What are you?"


    Timmy said "I'm a Seahawks fan."


    The teacher was a little perturbed now, her face slightly red, she asked Timmy
    why he was a Seahawks fan.

    "Well, my mom and dad are Seahawks fans so I'm a Seahawks fan too."

    The teacher was now angry. "That's no reason" she says loudly. "What if your
    mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot?"

    Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Steelers fan."

January 24, 2006

  • Quotes of the Day

    Joe:  When I die, I want my body flown over downtown Seattle and dropped in the middle of it.


    Jordan:  *Slight giggle*  Yeah, and then you'd go splat on a car's windshield.


    Paul:  There's got to be all kinds of flight regulations that that would break.

January 22, 2006

January 1, 2006

December 22, 2005

  • Walmart...Store of Husbands




    A Wal-Mart store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, TX, where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.


    There are only 6 floors. It states that the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch....
    As you open the door to any floor, you may choose any man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.



    So, a woman goes to the Wal-Mart Husband Store to find a husband......



    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
    Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
    Not yet, she thinks.



    The second floor sign reads:
    Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
    Good, but not good enough, she thinks.



    The third floor sign reads:
    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
    "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.



    She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.
    "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"



    Still, she goes to the fifth floor where the sign reads:
    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.



    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
    Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
    Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart's Husband Store.

December 9, 2005

  • He's not a tame Lion..., but He's good.

    OH MY GOODNESS.  Gabriel, you deserve a huge round of applause and thank you's.  Thank you so much for all the time an effort you put into organizing the Chronicles of Narnia Premier for all of us.  It was an incredible time tonight and the movie was absolutely amazing.